"For some, this is Sport" - What ha... happened (October Part one)

"For some, this is Sport" - What ha... happened (October Part one)
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (10-14-13)



"What ha... happened," where we scour the internet for a crazy sports photo or GIF and someone must try to explain it. Seesaw Sports asks what ha... happened? Monday: Opening statement. Friday: Rebuttal.

Real photos. Real results. But what in the heck happened?



DAN:
This month I'm back with a vengeance and found something barely passable as sport. More than what happened, you tell me, what the hell is really going on.

I present to you the following:

Photo: Apparently this is 'Bubble Football' or 'Bubble Soccer' for us Americans

Title: "For some, this is Sport"

Description: I understand the name, I really do. But I refuse to call this a sport. It goes against the very fabric of sports. The players can not even see. WTF! Is this some bad joke? An American's idea to make soccer palpable? What the hell is this?

What ha... happened?


TODD:
I am sorely disappointed in you my brother. Not only is bubble soccer (apparently) played in front of tens of hundreds of fans at whatever local middle school gymnasium that picture is from. It is also played regularly on a little show called Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

Jimmy's played matches against Stephen Colbert and Gerard Butler. He's played with members of the Baltimore Ravens and members of the Wu Tang Clan. Bubble Soccer is a talk show phenomenon on the level of Headlines and the Masturbating Bear. It also seems pretty legit.

What better way to improve soccer than to make players lose their balance easier? It's not like you could use your hands in the first place; it's soccer! Bubble soccer is big time. I can only imagine what's in store next. Perhaps bubble wrestling or bubble karate. If we shrunk down the bubble size, we could even venture into bubble bowling and bubble volleyball territory, with ones' hands permanently stuck below the bubble in the former and above the bubble in the latter.

[Part two - "If you thought bubble soccer looked stupid"]

"Kids love Soccer too" - What ha... happened (July Part two)

"Kids love Soccer too" - What ha... happened (July Part two)
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (7-25-13)

[Part one - There are fans and there are FANS]



One day early this week! Off next week and back with football in August.

"What ha... happened," where we scour the internet for a crazy sports photo and someone must try to explain it. Seesaw Sports asks what ha... happened? Monday: Opening statement. Thursday: Rebuttal.

Real photos. Real results. But what in the heck happened?



TODD:
I present to you the following.

Photo: Kicking things up even further... soccer style.

Title: "Kids love soccer too!"

Description: You take your ambiguous photo of adults pretending to be fans and I'll stick with the children. Kids always say what is on their mind. No sugarcoating necessary. And here is a perfect example. When a call goes against this little tyke, he shows the ref what he thinks of him. And if I spoke whatever language the little guy is fluent in (because it is obviously not English since he is a soccer fan), I'm sure I would get an earful of perfectly eloquent foreign swearing. Just adorable.

He's mad at the refs, right? Not one of those racist soccer hooligans in its early stages, bombarding black players with slurs? We can all appreciate a fan spewing hate at a man wearing stripes, but otherwise we have to draw the line. You tell me though, what ha... happened?


DAN:
I have to hand it to you, this little tyke is definitely a tiny terror. Logic would dictate he's imitating his father, who must be thrusting both middle fingers in the air while spitting on the heads of the opposing fans sitting in front of him. Right? This is beyond any logic. This kid be crazy!

This deranged soccer fan is not imitating anyone, he's full on pissed at the red card being dolled out on the field. And you know what came next. He launched his juice box as far as his baby arms could throw it, plucking the opposing team's coach in the head. And the blood on his face? War paint baby, war paint.

When getting into a soccer brawl, I recommend having one of these tiny pricks on your side. His head is at crotch level, perfect for a sneak attack head butt to the groin. Got him! His last victim was a bleeder.

[Part one - There are fans and there are FANS]

"Kick save and a Beauty" - What ha... happened? (June part one)

"Kick save and a Beauty" - What ha... happened? 
(June part one)
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (6-17-13)



We scour the internet for a crazy sports photo and someone must try to explain it. Seesaw Sports asks what ha... happened? Monday: Opening statement. Friday: Rebuttal.

Real photos. Real results. But what in the heck happened?

This month we have GIFs!



TODD:
I present to you the following:

 

Photo: All women's sports should be this much fun.

Title: "Kick save and a Beauty"

Description: Who knew?!? Apparently the phrase "Kick save and a Beauty" is not just for ice hockey. This volleyballer made a nice diving kick to, we assume, save the point for her team. But even if they didn't manage the return, who cares? It was still damn impressive. Go ladies!

Two immediate questions come to mind:

(1) Be honest, were you aware that players were allowed to use their feet in volleyball?

(2) Can you find me a better GIF of someone stretching the limits of a sport?

My answer to both is 'I doubt it.' But go for it and tell me what ha... happened?


DAN:
Honesty, huh? I had NO idea you could kick the ball in volleyball. I thought it was bump, set, spike, but kick! Haha, that's awesome.

I'd argue this is hardly stretching the limits of the sport if its just part of the game, albeit a rarity. But don't you worry. I have a few GIFs up my sleeve.

As for what happened?

Not everyone is fortunate enough to make the Olympic soccer team. That may be the pinnacle of women's team sports in the Olympics and this lady was the odd woman out. She is a super star athlete however and turned to her second love, volleyball. Not beach volleyball, that's for showoffs, but regular street volleyball. Instincts are instincts, and instead of diving head first to bump the ball with her hands, a sweet slide and kick save was enacted. I'm hoping it was for success!

(GIF courtesy of Sbnation)

[Part two - "Not all Swords are created Equal"]

What ha... happened? - March edition

What ha... happened? - March edition
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (3-18-13)



The internet is scoured for a crazy sports photo and someone must try to explain it. Seesaw Sports asks what ha... happened? Monday: opening statements. Friday: rebuttal.

Real photos. Real results. But what in the heck happened?

TODD:

I present to you the following:

Photo: The Awesomest Soccer thing that has Ever Happened

Title: see above

Description: ditto

Since this is a soccer photo, I retain the right to suggest this man is possibly in mid-flop...which would certainly scar the awesomeness of said pic. However, the future has no bearing on the past.

So, what ha...happened?

DAN:

Wow. I'm impressed. This photo not only has a man diving head first into the ground, but also the same man has fully extended himself so as to kick his opponent square in the face. Soccer is brutal! Or is it football in this instance? Whatever.

This is what happened. We all know how prideful international soccer players can be. Well let's just say missing a header is pretty embarrassing, I would know.

Yellow player whiffed on his header and went to the ground with it to cover things up. About halfway down he realized A) He was about to smash his head into the ground and be knocked out, and B) His opponent, the Red player, had an open shot at the ball. Initiate leg extension and face kick sequence. The result, a perfectly formed soccer triangle of yellow, red and green. That's what happened.

[New photo, New explanation]

Fringe Sports part 2 - They do Exist

Fringe Sports part 2 - They do Exist
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (12-14-12)

[Part One on Fringe Sports]

DAN:

Asking why these 'sports' don't have many fans and are fringe is a better question, but its like asking why vegetarianism isn't more popular.  The answer is pretty obvious, but its also a hilarious exercise in making fun of something.  We can answer the question for any given sport and I applaud the excellent job you did putting soccer into a little box of obscurity.  My follow up, three obvious reasons why no one cares about badminton.

Badminton:
1)  Most American's don't consider it a sport at all until the Olympics roll around 

2)  The primary 'ball' is called a shuttle cock 

3)  It isn't something you can play on a team unless you go to prep school and even then you are probably playing Squash instead

Those answers are both serious and sarcastic at the same time, which really sums up badminton in a nutshell.  Now let me try to restate my original question.  

Most of us understand what draws people to sports in general.  ESPN epitomizes what make sports great and why Americans love them so much.  You can't ignore this while watching the network.  However, with extra money comes extended programming, and ESPN now airs things like soccer and bowling and women's basketball among other 'fringe' sports.  So say hypothetically that you can either watch a Major League Baseball game on ESPN2 or Fox, or you can watch bowling on ESPN.  What draws a person who otherwise enjoys sports to pick bowling over a vastly superior product?

I would never watch the WNBA.  That's women's professional basketball for the unfamiliar.  Its akin to water boarding or plucking my chest hairs one at a time.  However, the WNBA has a fan base.  I know, I know, its rather amusing to list why most people don't watch it.  But I'm more interested in the odd balls who enjoy watching women shoot awkward layups instead of why the 'sport' is not very popular in the first place.  That question I can answer while drunk.

TODD: 

You just enjoy observing weirdos, admit it.  Good thing it can be equally as entertaining.  The reason there are people who actually enjoy watching bowling or the WNBA or archery over mainstream sports is the same reason indie bands or underground music exist. People have different tastes. Not everyone likes Maroon 5, Adele or whatever.

There are sports fans who find enjoyment in the fundamentals and ball movement of women's basketball; there are people who marvel at the accuracy and concentration of an archer; there are humans who are hypnotized by the strive for perfection of a bowler going for twelve straight strikes. These people exist.  I'm afraid to see what their home looks like, but they exist.

Now are they real sports fans? Of course not! 

These people are weirdos and should be shunned to dark alleyways.

DAN:

Thank you for providing us with another reason to avoid dark alleys.  I'd hate to see what kind of weapon a man who enjoys the fundamentals and ball movement of women's basketball is carrying.

[Click for Part One]

Fringe Sports

Fringe Sports
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (12-10-12)
[Part Two]

DAN:  

Since neither one of us cares a lick about so called 'fringe sports', activities generally requiring physical activity, what do you think it is that draws people to them over otherwise superior mainstream competition?  And we are using the word sport generously here, as many of these activities are barely more than glorified skill competitions.

There are four major sports, since it would be close minded of me to categorize soccer as a fringe sport since its the largest sport in the world.  The four major sports are, in order of popularity, Football/NFL, Baseball/MLB, Basketball/NBA, and Soccer/Football. You'll notice I left off hockey as it's barely hanging on in this country, is currently in another lock out, and has one or two (maybe zero) superstars outside of Canada where its all they care about.  But we can rip apart Canada another day.  Also, its fair to argue over other activities being sports or not, but none are major.

TODD:

I think you came at this question from the wrong direction. It is not what draws people to a fringe sport that's interesting.  The question is why don't these 'sports' draw enough people, rendering them a fringe sport.  Why don't more people like them?

Obviously there exists in the world humans who are fans of hockey or volleyball or cricket, what have you.  These people exist. They enjoy the ins and outs of a sport that the majority of Americans do not care about.  They enjoy calling their preferred activity a sport because gosh darn it, women's handball is important.  What makes something like volleyball a fringe sport isn't discovered by examining the people who follow it; everyone has different tastes. The fringe aspect is unearthed by finding out what makes it unappealing to the mainstream.  Why is badminton, for example so boring for most of us to watch? 

Take soccer in America.  It's a fringe sport for three obvious reasons:

1) There is very little scoring (read: excitement) in soccer.

2) The field is large, the players small; the action seems distant and uneventful.

3) The best players don't play soccer in America and who wants to follow a minor league?

Remove off-sides from soccer, chop the field down in size and stick the Lebron James' and Adrian Peterson's of the world on the LA Galaxy and maybe we have ourselves a show.  For now, soccer is a vastly inferior television product in America.

Similar arguments apply for most other fringe sports, activities that only draw a minuscule percentage of viewers and fans.

[Click for Part Two]