"Not all Swords are created Equal" - What ha... happened (June part two)

"Not all Swords are created Equal" - What ha... happened
(June part two)
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (6-21-13)

[Part one - "Kick save and a Beauty"]



We scour the internet for a crazy sports photo and someone must try to explain it. Seesaw Sports asks what ha... happened? Monday: Opening statement. Friday: Rebuttal.

Real photos. Real results. But what in the heck happened?

This month we have GIFs!



DAN:
I present to you the following:

Photo: Fencing can be dangerous too.

Title: "Not all Swords are created Equal"

Description: When holding a grudge, its best to have a fencing match coming up. Who knew? But seriously, how bogus is it to swap out your toy sword for a real, large, sharp one? That's like wearing brass knuckles inside your boxing gloves, except you aren't hiding a thing. You're outright brandishing the thing. Take that!

This is no fair fight, its a slaughter. Why the foul play, the bloodshed and the tears? What ha... happened?


TODD:
Wait, so this is not what fencing looks like? Having never watched the "sport" before, I just assumed the guy with the bigger sword always won. And what's all this talk about not using brass knuckles during a boxing match? There hasn't been a clean boxing match since 1964. Everyone knows it's not on the level. They watch for entertainment; it's like professional wrestling. Which is what fencing seemed like: two guys with giant swords, swinging wildly at each other. It would have to be fixed or people would die, like, all the time.

I really have to bone up on my fringe sports' rules. So no giant scimitars allowed in fencing, check. No brass knuckles in boxing, check. Next thing you'll tell me is teams are not allowed to use motors during the America's Cup; they just somehow float down the water at tremendous speed on the strength of the wind alone...like a soft, sea zephyr could shove a giant yacht around. Gimme a break.

(GIF courtesy of SENORGIF.com)

[If you missed Part one - "Kick save and a Beauty"] 

"Come on, Seriously?" - What ha... happened? (May - Part Two)

"Come on, Seriously?" - What ha... happened? (May - Part Two)
by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (5-17-13)

[Part One - "Not in my House"]



We scour the internet for a crazy sports photo and someone must try to explain it. Seesaw Sports asks what ha... happened? Monday: Opening statement. Friday: Rebuttal.

Real photos. Real results. But what in the heck happened?



TODD:
I present to you the following:

Photo: Oh no. That's not what I think it is, is it?

Title: "Come on, seriously?"

Description: This is low, even for this exercise.

W..Wh..WHY? Why did this happen!?


DAN:
The bad memories and horrendous nature of the event seem to have left you almost speechless. Arguably the best (or second best) pitcher in the history of the Boston Red Sox organization brutally assaults a historic member of our beloved New York Yankees, Don Zimmer, and all you can say is why. Zimmer was a staple of the Yankees dynasty from 1996 to 2003 and deserved better than this. But why this happened is simple.

Did you know, Don Zimmer was the manager of the Boston Red Sox from 1976 to 1980? He was manager for the infamous "Boston Massacre" which saw the Yankees eviscerate a fourteen game lead in the division to ultimately win the crown from the Red Sox on Bucky Dent's famous home run! Jump forward to 2003, his final year in the Bronx, when Pedro Martinez decided to exact revenge. The former Red Sox manager had jumped ship to join the arch rivals and now the franchise's premier pitcher had an opportunity to taste the sweet, sweet juice of bloody revenge.

Needless to say, this was not a fair fight and Zimmer never recovered. His embarrassment was so extraordinary that he was forced to leave the team and join the Tamba Bay Rays. The Rays! Pedro did what every thirty to fifty year old American wishes they could do, embarrass the elderly. He death gripped an old man by his shiny bald head and hurled him mercilessly to the dirt. Come on, seriously!

The Red Sox needed blood, needed revenge for the "Boston Massacre" all those years ago and Pedro Martinez got it. He struck quick, struck hard and the New York Yankees would never be the same.

That's what happened.

[If you missed Part One - "Not in my House"]

More "What ha... happened?" - Hockey style

More "What ha... happened?" - Hockey style

by Dan Salem and Todd Salem (2-15-13)

[Monday's wacky photo and explanation]

TODD:

I get it that football referees are tough but hockey players would never stand for that shit. Hatred of the officials can bring even the most bitter rivals together for a common cause.

Photo: Two hockey players, opponents, absolutely destroy the referee.

Title:  It's cold. Ice cold.

Description: "Penalty. I'll show you an f***ing penalty!"


What ha... happened?
 

DAN:

Oh snap! You followed up a football one on one with a hockey two on one. The referee has no shot now. Since you went all logical for the football picture, let me tell you what "Really" happened. We always wax poetic about how professional athletes cheat on their wives/girlfriends etc. But what about the referees? My best guess is that the unnamed player of the St. Louis Rams and the NFL referee just found out they are sharing a mistress. I think we both know who won this fight.

As for the NHL photo, the two players vs. one referee beat down is comically unfair. At least in the football case the player and the referee are on equal ground when it comes to weaponry. Sure, the player has body armor on, but both men will be punching. The hockey players have freaking five foot long wooden clubs to fight with AND its two on one. Its no coincidence that the advertising behind this melee is for health insurance.

So what happened? Referee infidelity of course. This is actually a three on one, as honor is paramount in hockey. The hockey player on the left (we only see his head) bumped the referee hard along the lines of the old 'oops I've fallen' into the ref gag. Now he's down and the two main guys rush in to pummel him with their sticks.

Hockey justice is served. Served cold.

[Monday's photo and explanation]